All was rosy in 32-year-old Taona Mkandawire’s marriage until September 14, 2020, when he caught his wife cheating with a motorcycle kabaza operator.

“I felt pity for myself because despite being a civil servant and providing for all the family’s needs, she still did that to me,” he said. “She begged me to forgive her, and I eventually did—for the sake of my two young children, who were six and two at the time.”

Despite forgiving her, Mkandawire’s life was never the same.

“I found it difficult to forget the incident, and this greatly affected me mentally,” he recounts. “Because of this, I found solace in drinking beer.”

For years, gender-based violence (GBV) has largely been perceived as an issue affecting women and girls. Despite experiencing significant forms of GBV, societal norms often discourage men from speaking out.

Mkandawire got entangled in the same trap.

“Despite facing domestic violence, I did not tell my friends or relatives because of shame or fear of stigma,” he said. “I kept my emotions to myself and dealt with the pain alone.”

Three years later, in 2023, his then-wife cheated on him again.

“I came across messages on her phone showing that she was communicating with a certain man,” Mkandawire says. “I saved the number in my phone and searched it through mobile money, and the name of the man came up.”

He adds that when he searched for the man on social media, a familiar face appeared.

“He was someone I personally knew, so I went to his house. He confirmed that he had been in a sexual relationship with my wife but said he didn’t know she was married,” he says.

Mkandawire says the revelations left him both angry and confused.

What hurt him most, he says, was that the man lived nearby.

“When I went to the market, I used to meet him frequently. It made me very angry, and because of this, I turned into a drunkard.”

One day, Mkandawire decided that enough was enough and bought some drugs in an attempt to commit suicide. However, the thought of dying and leaving his young children behind made him change his mind.

He gathered the courage to seek help from Chinamwali Police Victim Support Unit (VSU).

“Officers were surprised by my visit to report the matter. They said many men suffer in silence,” he recalls.

In July 2024, 31-year-old Gerald K. died by suicide in Zomba. He left a short note blaming his wife for allegedly having an affair with another man—an accusation she denies.

Gerald’s family is struggling to understand what may have driven him to take his own life.

His 62-year-old mother says they had no warning signs before the tragedy.

“I think maybe I could have been closer to him to notice any signs. It’s very hard to forget him,” she says.

Rising suicide cases

Globally, suicide claims more than 700,000 lives every year, according to the World Health Organization (WHO). Africa carries the world’s highest regional rate, with 11.2 deaths per 100,000 people.

Locally, a recent report released by the Malawi Police Service (MPS) shows that 2,014 people killed themselves between 2022 and September 2025. Out of these, 1,778 are men while 236 are women.

By breakdown, in 2023, 527 people committed suicide, rising to 597 in 2024, and between January and September this year, 482 people have taken their own lives.

According to National Police Deputy Spokesperson Alfred Chimthere, most of those committing suicide are aged 20 to 39.

Chimthere said many cases are linked to broken relationships, domestic disputes, and financial stress.

Experts weigh in

Speaking during a National-Level Stakeholders Meeting, Ministry of Health (MoH) Acting Deputy Director responsible for Mental Health and Non-Communicable Diseases, Chituzu Chiumia, said some of the factors driving suicide in the country include depression, which ranks high at 4.8 percent, followed by anxiety at 4.4 percent, and bipolar disorder at 0.5 percent.

Kamuzu University of Health Sciences clinical psychologist Prof. Chiwoza Bandawe says many men lack safe spaces to participate in discussions about suicide.

Bandawe says creating discussion groups can give men opportunities to talk about issues affecting them, including intimate partner violence, and find practical solutions.

He also stresses the need to empower men on how to handle their emotions.

National Chairperson of Men for Gender Equality Now (MEGEN), Marcel Chisi, says it is high time men stop viewing wives and girlfriends as possessions to prevent suicide.

“Men do all manner of things in the name of love, and when that woman disappoints them or leaves them for another man, they feel, ‘After all I have done, now I’m dumped like that,” he says.

Chisi says it is imperative for men to reflect on their notions of masculinity.

He adds that when men feel their ego has been challenged, either in marital or sexual relationships, they may experience suicidal ideation that can lead to suicide.

Chisi also blames societal norms that label men as breadwinners and heads of households, arguing that this contributes to depression, suicidal ideation, and, ultimately, suicide when men fail to fulfil expected roles.

“There is an overload on men, even when they do not have the capacity,” he says.

Chisi adds that in some cases, women who are capable of supporting their families choose not to do so because of societal expectations.

“Even if the man is struggling and the woman is well off, the man still takes more responsibility in the home, and that leads to depression and eventually suicide.”

He also notes that some men create problems for themselves through betting, losing all their money and resorting to suicide to avoid shame.

Chisi urges men to share their problems instead of suffering in silence.

“One of the reasons why men suffer in silence is because society says for you to be a man, you should not cry or complain. Even fellow men tell you to ‘man up,” he says.

He encourages men to report violence if they are in abusive or toxic relationships.

“If women are reporting and men are not, the statistics will remain that men are the ones abusing women, because more women report,” he says.

Executive Director of Women’s Legal Resource Centre (WOLREC), Maggie Kathewera Banda, says the country is recording high rates of domestic violence.

“As a nation, this should be a concern to each and every person,” she says.

Kathewera Banda emphasizes the need for raising awareness on gender-based violence.

“People should understand what gender-based violence is, what causes it, and its effects, so that we can come up with solutions,” she says.

Minister of Gender Mary Navicha says the ministry has intensified awareness on mental health and suicide during the ongoing 16 Days of Activism against GBV.

She said the ministry is also implementing a Male Engagement Strategy to increase the participation of men and boys in addressing gender-based violence.

It is now two years since Mkandawire began taking care of his children following the termination of the marriage. He now reflects on his suicide attempt and wonders what would have happened to his children if he had gone through with it.

Mkandawire has since positioned himself as a mental health and well-being advocate. Through his Men’s Voice organisation, he plans to introduce recreational activities to provide safe spaces for men to speak openly about gender-based violence as a way of preventing suicides.